“Lookup at me and you will notice a god.”

Effectively, now, allow us to depend the methods:

1. A selected chief, on this case a fanged, furry psychopath to whom I shall refer as FFS, has absolute authority with out accountability. (Sure, I do know that “psychopath” begins with a P and never with an S, however it nonetheless has the S sound. And, someway, I feel FFS is a really acceptable acronym for my cat, Louis Catorze.)

2. FFS is true always.

3. FFS dictates all facets of our life in nice element, together with the components when we’re not right here; if we absent ourselves, now we have to make sure that one other devotee is ready to take over our duties.

4. FFS requires shows of behaviour which outsiders may discover deviant. Does this embrace, erm, welcoming pilgrims from all around the globe and making them signal a ebook? (I’m not joking. This truly occurs.)

5. Devotees are monitored to make sure that we’re following the principles. This monitoring consists of screaming, creepy-staring and sleep deprivation, and generally we’re pressured to witness the ritual sacrifice of one other residing being as a well mannered reminder to not transgress.

6. Strategies of management are used to make sure that devotees don’t go off-piste (see earlier level).

7. A membership charge is required to be able to stay within the good books of the FFS; in our case, that is free meals, free board, free medical care, and a standing order right into a financial savings account owned by the FFS.

8. Data exist which doc the nefarious methods of the FFS, together with his abuses of devotees. If you wish to perceive the extent of the complete horror, look right here.

In case you thought you led a secular life however discovered your self nodding alongside to a lot of the above, maybe you, too, are below the spell of a FFS (or no less than a FS)?

What do you imply, I’ve “simply described a cult and never a faith”? That will recommend that cats are narcissistic, controlling people who exploit our weaknesses …

Oh. By no means thoughts.